Dating violence and acquaintance assault happens more frequently than most people think. Up to one-third of young adults between the ages of 16 and 24 have reported being involved in at least one abusive dating situation. Date rapes, which account for 60 percent of all rapes, are not usually committed by a stranger late at night. More than 80 percent of all sexual assaults occur between people who know each other. These assaults happen on dates, in people’s homes, at parties and in the daylight hours as well as at night. The assailant may be a friend, lover, boyfriend, classmate, co-worker or even a family member.

What is dating violence?
Dating violence is more than just arguing or fighting. Dating violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors that one partner uses to get power over the other, including:

1. Any kind of physical violence or threat of physical violence to get control;

2. Emotional or mental abuse, such as playing mind games, making you feel crazy, or constantly putting you down or criticizing you;

3. Sexual abuse, including making you do anything you don’t want to do, refusing to have safe sex, or making you feel bad about yourself sexually.

Is dating violence really serious?
Teens and young adults who abuse their girlfriends or boyfriends do the same things as adults who abuse their partners do. Dating violence is just as serious as adult domestic violence.

Teens and young adults are seriously at risk for dating violence. Research shows that physical or sexual abuse is a part of 1 in 3 high school relationships. In 95% of abusive relationships, men abuse women.

However, young women can be violent, and young men can also be victims. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans teens and young adults are just as at risk for abuse in their relationships as anyone else.

Am I being abused in my dating relationship?
Abuse relationships have good times and bad times. Part of what makes dating violence so confusing and painful is that there is love mixed with the abuse. This can make it hard to tell if you are really being abused. Here are some good questions to ask yourself.

1. Do you feel less confident about yourself when you are with him/her?

2. Have you been told by people you trust that they’re worried about your safety?

3. Do you feel scared or worried about doing or saying the wrong thing?

4. Do you find yourself changing your behavior out of fear or to avoid a fight?

5. Your partner gets jealous when you go out or talk with others.

6. Your partner constantly checks up on you.

7. Your partner frightens or intimidates you.

8. Your partner imposes restrictions on the way you dress or your appearance.

9. Your partner puts you down, but then tells you he or she loves you.

10. Your partner makes you choose between him or her and your family.

11. You are afraid to break up with your partner because you fear for your personal safety.